The window is open. I sit down to meditate…

I close my eyes. I can hear the sounds of the night outside. Wind, cars, cicadas, a humming that seems to come from both within and outside the house. All the noises of nighttime in our small town. I think about the place where we live, my neighbourhood. I feel safe, content. I wonder how it will change over the coming years. I wonder how I will change in the next few years. I think about the plans we’re making…

Back to what I was doing.

I hear the distant, faint sound of the television from the living room. “What is he watching now?” I ponder a few plausible guesses and listen more closely. I think about how I can hear the neighbours television when their window is open & our window is open. I don’t hear it tonight. I wonder if they ever hear us. Probably not, I think they mentioned they’re slightly hard of hearing…

Back to what I’m doing. Breathe.

I hear a bigger gust of wind approach. The sounds of the night intensify. “What’s the weather forecast tomorrow?” I almost grab for my phone…

Right. Back to what I’m doing.

My mind wanders to an interaction with an acquaintance I bumped into the day prior. “I still can’t believe her response. What did she mean by that?” My anxious mind thinks of all the possible ways I could have wronged this person, made them dislike me. The whole short-loved relationship. A wave of emotion. I take a moment to feel it, consider it, knowing this is part of the process.

Back to the present moment. Back to what I was doing.

I feel the mattress underneath of me. I feel glad for the haven of this room. I think about how we still need to paint the walls. I look around at the baseboards, the ceiling, the furniture. “So many things to do.”

I glance at the clock.

It’s been less than 2 minutes.

I think about just how many thoughts we can have in a mere 60 seconds. All the places a mind can take us.

I consider that the mind is on this infinite loop all day long, and many of us don’t even realize it. Many people don’t take the time to tune in, to hear the mind, to get quiet.

We are having just as many thoughts, maybe more, as the rest of the world zooms by; as we interact with others – who are undoubtedly on their own infinite loop. All of this as we go about our tasks, our work; as we take in the never-ending stimuli of the vast busyness that is modern life.

No wonder we can become so overwhelmed.
I am grateful for this practice, because it helps.

Dear reader, if you’ve ever tried to meditate and thought: “I can’t do it. I’m not good at this. I can’t turn off my mind” – allow me to tell you this is meditating.

Carving out the time to sit quietly and “try” to meditate, is meditation.

Focusing on your breath for five minutes in a controlled environment where distractions are minimized, is meditation.

Turning off your phone, and intentionally being with your thoughts, is meditating.

Tuning in, listening, seeing what comes up – this is meditation.

The mind does not have to go completely blank, devoid of thought, for your meditation to count.

This is not how a mind works. Our minds are made to think. Your very human nature will pull you towards thought when you sit down quietly. The mind will try to distract you with stories.

Noticing, observing and not getting lost in them – this is the practice.

Like most things: it’s not complicated, but it’s also not easy. It takes practice. It takes work. It takes actually getting started and committing to regular practice in a habitual way.

Keep practicing 🙏🏻

If you’re anything like me, when you have a task or a goal to accomplish, you probably love getting to work and outlining the perfect plan of action.

Maybe you create a beautiful calendar, or a sexy to-do list – of all the required steps to take you there. Maybe you take great joy in coming up with the ideas, finding resources, and deciding the best way to get from A to B.

But then what?

Then comes the hard part: we have to actually do the plan. Sometimes (or often) this is the most challenging piece.

Call it procrastination, call it lack of motivation, low energy, willpower… whatever. This is where much of my self work has needed to be.

I’ve always been a procrastinator.

Some people I’ve met in my professional life wouldn’t believe this. It’s true though.

I was always the student who would wait until the day before the paper was due to write it.

Since the day I started having to set an alarm clock, I learned about the snooze button and struggled to break this awful habit well into my adult life! (Just another form of procrastination.)

Many times, I’ve put off applying for jobs, starting a workout or program, making phone calls, reaching out to friends or family that I truly do want to connect with, making challenging decisions (hell, even making simple decisions!)

I’ve been a pro at avoiding all kinds of things that I knew were good for me, but that I wasn’t ready to face or exert the energy towards. (Unfortunately, though, avoiding takes energy too!)

It’s so easy to say:

“I’ll do better next week”

“I’ll get started tomorrow”

“The time isn’t right, right now”

“Just for today…”

The planning has rarely been an issue for me. When I know where I want to go, it’s typically not that difficult to map out a plan to get there. To think about the steps that would be required. To make a template. I take great joy in nerding out and organizing my thoughts this way. And if ever I do get stuck on something, well, let’s be honest: the internet has plenty of resources to help with the idea-generating.

It feels great to have a plan! And I think it’s incredibly important, too. When we have a defined plan, we aren’t fumbling our way through – we have a clear path and fewer decisions to make each day.

But here where it gets frustrating: we can’t get anywhere if we don’t put the plan into action, can we?

Have you ever felt this way? Made a plan and then decided to put off starting the plan? Determined exactly how to get from point A to point B, but delayed taking any of the steps – maybe for days, for weeks, for years even??

Some people delay things due to indecision. Not knowing where to start. While others simply don’t start.

There can be a number of reasons we procrastinate. It helps to understand your own reasons. It also helps to share with & learn from others. Since I have struggled, this is where I think I can be of service, to some extent.

Some of the things that have helped me procrastinate less:

1. Committing to the smallest step in the plan:

Usually once we manage to gain just a little momentum, Queen Motivation will think about showing up and saving the day. As we see progress, we suddenly feel like doing more.

A lot of people – especially us procrastinators – wait to feel motivated to start.

But the truth is – you actually have to start, to get motivated. That’s the harsh reality of how our brains often work!

It can help me to start with a simple step – something that I know I can knock out really quickly. By crossing that item off the list, I will often start to feel the drive to do more things. And if not, well, at least a little progress was made…

2. Committing to five minutes of effort:

This is similar to suggestion #1, but it can help when you don’t have a specific task that will serve as a really ‘quick win.’

Maybe you’ve been procrastinating starting a big project. Cleaning the house. Doing a workout. All these things are going to take an hour or more, right?

Can you convince yourself to do 5 minutes of whatever the thing is that you’re avoiding?

If I’ve been avoiding tidying the house, sometimes I say to myself “Okay, I will just empty the dishwasher.” once I’ve done that, usually I can then muster up the willpower to load any dirty dishes into the dishwasher. And then I might continue with tidying the rest of the kitchen. Etc, etc…

If I’ve been avoiding a project I’m working on, sometimes I will set a timer and start writing down ideas for 5 minutes. If I can really get lost in the work, then I generally find the inspiration to continue, because I need to get those ideas out on paper (or screen!)

The key with this one is to tell yourself you can stop after five minutes if you really want to go back to whatever you were doing (or not doing!) It’s a good way to convince the mind to get the wheels in motion… And if you only do five minutes of the positive behaviour, so what? Five minutes was probably more helpful than zero.

3. Re-evaluate priorities and focus on what lights you up:

There are some things we may not be able to avoid. Like making that dental appointment. Taking the car in for service. Certain items in your work or business or family life that you just can’t farm out to someone else.

But are there things you’re procrastinating that are actually not necessary?

Oftentimes, in my corporate career and in my business, I’ve sat on tasks that I thought were important for a long, long time, letting them stress me out.

“I need to work on building this program.”

“I really need to draft that document.”

“I need to start doing this 2x/week, instead of once, like I planned.”

All the while, the guilt over procrastinating the thing is constantly growing!

Plans are made to be adapted. Maybe some of the things we once placed importance on are no longer so critical.

We should be constantly re-evaluating priorities and actively trying to focus as much of our energy as possible on the things we actually want to do. Those things are so, so much easier to find motivation for!

Again, I know there are some tasks we can’t avoid or farm out to others. But consider: where in your life are you spending energy that would be better used elsewhere?

Are there things you could delegate to a partner, colleague, or another resource? Have you discussed with your partner which tasks or chores they would most prefer (or least hate) to do? Are there things that simply don’t matter that you could spend a little less time and energy on?

Are there things you are are doing because someone else said they were important?!

4. Consider your triggers and emotional drivers

This is really critical in any behavioural change. And procrastination is no exception.

Procrastination is not simply caused by ‘laziness.’ (Read more about that here.) It’s more often caused by the feelings we have associated with doing something.

Maybe we avoid the task because we think it will be unpleasant.

Or, maybe we avoid it because we’re scared of not getting it right. Because of perfectionism, or even: imposter syndrome.

Maybe we avoid it because of other emotional factors that we haven’t even consciously considered.

When you understand your emotions, it becomes much easier to work with them.

I personally believe it’s important to consider where our patterns, behaviours and emotional responses came from. In this way, we can often give them space, acknowledgement, and perhaps begin to move forward.

This starts from awareness. Awareness usually starts with allowing yourself space to feel the feelings and tune into the thoughts.

If this is unfamiliar territory, a therapist, or another type of professional who is well-versed in navigating the emotional landscape, can be an incredible support.

5. Release the need to be productive all the time:

I remember when I was a student in university, I was constantly procrastinating homework, in what must have been one of the most unhealthy ways possible. I would go as far as to have the textbooks I needed right next to me, for hours and hours while doing all sorts of other things. Telling myself I was going to get started in another minute, ten minutes, whatever. This could go on for hours, days, weeks. It seemed to be a constant state that I lived in.

And all those books sitting there ever did was make me feel guilty that I wasn’t studying! So, in this way, I always felt guilty. Ugh.

In hindsight, this was (obviously) a terrible strategy.

In my – let’s say- “adult life,” I have since learned that it’s much better to allow ourselves times where being productive is simply not a requirement.

If you need a few hours to rest (as we all do!), take that time and work on letting go of the expectation that you “should” be doing something else. (In other words, put the textbooks away!)

I think procrastination can be addictive, in a way. The more we “get away with it” or allow ourselves to do it, the more we want to do it. The more it becomes a habit. Putting ourselves on the productivity hamster-wheel only feeds that behaviour further by adding more hours in the day where we feel like we’re procrastinating something. Where we’re consumed by the guilt, the expectation, the weight of the looming task.

Let rest be rest. Let work be work.

Not easy, I know. But something to progress towards.

6. Learn how your brain works and leverage it:

When all else fails, consider how you can use your dopamine-driven behaviours to your advantage.

Many procrastinators work well under deadlines. In other words, when procrastination is no longer an option.

I’m not saying it’s a good idea to wait to get started until the day before a big project is due. Or to delay reviewing your notes until the night before a big performance. Or to put off cleaning anything in your house ever until some important guest of honour is due to arrive. But sometimes we can arrange our lives, our work, the things we want or need to do in such a way that the deadlines can motivate us.

Maybe we create mini-deadlines (and not just with ourselves – we have too much power to delay those! Think: a check-in with someone who will actually hold you accountable.)

Maybe we chunk up the things we need to do in smaller pieces that allow smaller, regular achievements.

Maybe we create a reward system to remain motivated.

Like everything in life: find what works, and lean in.

I think we need to experiment from a place of awareness & consciousness. Us procrastinators may share a lot of common traits, but each individual has their own motivators, drivers and ways of being successful. There is no single secret – we simply look for what works for ourselves, within our own set of experiences and circumstances.

I am only here to share what helps me. What helps me might possibly help someone else.

One of my favourite accounts of procrastination is Tim Urban’s Ted Talk – “Inside the Mind of a Master Procrastinator.” It’s real, relatable, and pretty funny, too. It’s definitely worth a watch if you haven’t seen it!

If any of this resonated or offered comfort, reach out and let me know! I’d love to hear from you.

Do you ever get caught up in this mindset: “once I get X done, then I’ll take a break.” ❓

“If I work a little longer today, I’ll start tomorrow in a better spot.”

“I just need to get all my work done, THEN I’ll take some time for myself.”

“Things are crazy right now, but it’s OK because I’m going on vacation next month.”

Maybe this sounds a little familiar. Maybe your self-talk looks a bit different, but you still feel exhausted, burnt-out, overwhelmed, or like you have no choice but to keep going and pushing through – because peventually, if you work hard enough, if you do enough, it will all pay off… right?!

Well, I’m starting to think it’s not exactly right.

Over the past year, I’ve been breaking up with this way of thinking and working.

I’ve gone from burnt-out, tired, working late, skipping lunch (or taking a 1 minute “break” to warm up some food and then sitting back at my desk to eat while I work), and feeling resentment, to slowly but surely finding some semblance of balance.

It was not easy. It took me a long time, even as I made the changes, to reflect and consider how I personally fuelled that relationship. Originally, I blamed the work.

Don’t get me wrong: where you work, what you do, the culture in the workplace, the demands of your particular role, and many other things on a long list of capitalistic crap, are absolutely factors in all of this!

But, so is mindset.

Sometimes we choose to stay stuck. Whether deliberately or unintentionally, we decide not to see that there can be another way.

If you think about the statements at the top of this post, how many times do you say or think them automatically, out of habit? How often do you consider whether they are truly rooted in fact, or some other belief system you’ve stumbled upon? How many times have you skipped lunch and actually got “caught up,” as a result of that sacrifice?

Something I’ve been pondering lately is just how engrained these thought patterns can be within us. I think in many cases we are trained to think this way from a young age. We are trained to work hard, to perform, and unfortunately, often, to equate our value and our worth with these things above all else!

Growing up, did you often hear…

“You have to do your homework Friday night and THEN you can enjoy your weekend.”

“Clean your room and THEN you can go out with your friends.”

“Do your chores first and THEN you can watch TV.”

These may be all well and good when teaching a child responsibility.

Only problem is… nobody tells you that different rules apply in adulthood.

Because as anyone with a little adulting experience well knows… the work is always there.

There are always more things to fix, to optimize, to complete, to perfect, to finish.

There is just always… more.

Whether you have a corporate job, whether you’re an entrepreneur, whether you have a home or family to look after… there is just always more to do. (Which can be an overwhelming & exhausting thought, if we allow it to be!)

So by waiting for it all to be done, we never let ourselves get to the “then” part – the prize at the end of doing the good thing. We may rarely let ourselves relax or rest or take a break (which, by the way, are basic needs!)

Maybe we wait for the weekend, maybe we wait until month-end targets are met, maybe we wait until that long dreamt of vacation!

… but then do we come back, nearly as exhausted as when we left, to repeat the cycle over again?

Ultimately, this leads to burnout. It leads to a poor relationship with work. It can lead to resentment towards a career you were once passionate about, towards a family you love, towards life in general even.

Now, don’t let me allude you into believing I have it all figured out. I don’t. I’m still working on it every day. But let me tell you: Things have sure changed since I started making balance a daily priority.

Since I started taking lunch breaks every day – outside when I can!

Since I started leaving tasks for tomorrow – those emails will still be there in the morning, trust me!

Since I started paying attention to my relationship with work in a different way – not just “how well am I doing?” and “am I succeeding?” But rather: “Is this serving me?” and “How can I bring more balance into my day?”

Since I realized I do deserve rest. Our bodies and minds were not designed to keep pushing, keep producing, keep giving the same high level of effort every. single. day, with no break. Through making changes, I finally discovered I actually get more work done if I take a lunch hour to think about something different for awhile. Same applies when I end my workday at a reasonable time and enjoy other activities on the evening!

Since I started being gentler with myself.

I know this can all sound.. pretty simple. But I also know, in practice, sometimes it isn’t.

It takes actually making the small adjustments towards big change to really, truly understand how these simple concepts work.

If you’re in the depths of it right now, what is one small thing you could do differently, even if just for today?

If any of this resonates with you, reach out and let me know!

Til next time, yogi friends 🤍🙏🏻

Have you ever noticed that certain things just feel like home to you? 🏠️

Home isn’t always a place with four walls. It can be a thing, a practice, a movement, a smell, an action, a person.

I had the realization recently that yoga, in many ways, has come to feel like home for me.

After being away for a few days last week and all of the busy-ness that comes with unpacking, catching up on sleep & work, and just generally re-integrating back into regular life as the creature of habit that I am, a full week had gone by since I really practiced OR taught any yoga at all!

A week is a good deal of time, for me! I try to practice in some form on most days – if not by moving my body in an asana practice, then at least with a few moments of quiet meditation or breathing. I knew I needed to get back onto my mat to find solid ground.

So, I showed up to a class and found my way to my mat to move with other bodies in my community. It was glorious from beginning to end, but I had a moment of recognition that brought me intense joy & gratitude.

As we moved into our first downward dog, I suddenly felt a deep sense of knowing. Of familiarity. Of “home.”

I felt my body knowing, remembering, exactly what to do.
I felt the familiarity of dropping into the breath, and moving my limbs in a well-known shape, as my mind turned to the practice.
In that moment, I felt at home in downward dog.

It was familiar, it was comforting; it was home.
I think home is where we feel most at ease; where we recognize everything, even if a few items are out of place.
I think home is any place where we can welcome release, feel free to explore our eccentricities, and ultimately, come to breathe a deep sigh of relief at the end of the day.

My hope is that we can all find home in our bodies, and maybe, in our practices.

This feeling may not show up overnight.
It takes time to build body awareness.
It takes time to cultivate a relationship to the self.
The practice is there to guide us along the journey.

As your teacher, nothing would bring me greater joy than seeing you learn to feel at home in your body & your practice.

Keep practicing,

🙏💙